single 4 life
im scared... scared of many things. one of which is a relationship. ive never really been in a "relationship" w/ another person besides friendship. im lame like that. guys scare me. i blame my dad. growing up w/o a father figure i think made me the independent person that i am today. im toooo independent for a guy especially one who's needy and wants a relationship. i dont have time for that. i dont really wanna make time for it either. i mean when a guy likes me its totally flattering. i luv it long time. fo sho. but it freaks me out. i dont want them to get to close. not gonna lie, they'd fall in love w/ me faster than i would w/ them. i dont want to hurt anyone's feelings. i dont even see myself as the marrying types (fuck, even my own advisor said that). who does that? wtf, thats sooo not kewl. so what ive im not the marrying type?! is that a bad thing? im gonna be all big and famous someday! im gonna be an even more big deal that what i am today. i at least hope soo. i dont need any guy slowing me down. screw that noise. im gonna be single and mingling forever! i have no problem with that. but then again, that would kinda suck. but then again, im a tuff person to live w/. i have a weird ass schedule so it'd be tuff. o well, its how im doin' it now really in the dorms. i like it. i have friends, i dont need guys. i have thought about jumping ship and switching the batting field to girl on girl action. it seems like it would make much more sense to me b/c most places u couldnt get married anyways, and i have closer connections w/ chicks anyways. but then again, it freaks me out totally. im just in search of solutions b/c deep down inside, i dont wanna be alone for the rest of my life. lesbian? hmmm... i'll think about it i guess.
it wasnt me, but it might as well have been
ur not my friends, u suck!
i hate them all. geezumz fuckin' christ. they talk about how we should hang out and that im funny and fun to hang out with blah blah blah. but when it comes down to the nitty gritty, they hang out with each other and a couple other ppl and dont even fuckin' call me. what a bunch of hoe bitches. thanx so much considering i was one of ur closer friends. u all can be pricks together. i dont even really like haning with u all anywayz. ur kinda lame and boring when ur not obsessing about u know who. u make me sick. both of u. one more than the other b.c she's a manipulating freak a zoid. she never was really my friend. she's just out for herself and doesnt care about anyone else. she just wants the juice on everything and rub it in others faces. she's a bitch. they are both bitches. i dont wanna hang out with them ever again. yah say u hafta work a lot, well u have time for other friends, so dont even play that game with me. why the hell do u hafta transfer here. son of a bitch, go back to where u've been going. oh wait, u were a bitch there too and they dont like u anymore. sux to be u but maybe that should tell u something. that u suck at life. dont call me ever again b.c i wont answer. especially dont call me while she's in town this coming weekend b.c that would be way bitchy of u b.c u just want the details and/or hear her side of the story of her break up with the guy uve been in luv with forever. ur a sick fuck. i hope u get hit by a BIG bus!!! i hate u all. ur not my friends and its really sad that i actually thought u were. dont call ever again not like u do now anywayz but dont even think its all good in the hood. u all suck at life!!
what a faggot!!
what a fucking faggot! i seriously hate that fuckin' dude. he is such a selfish, conceited, heartless fag!!! he does not even care about who he hurts. he just is rude and inconsiderate. if he was here, boy o boy, i would give him a piece of my mind along with a kick in the ballz, if he has any, and a few punches to knock his lights out. what a jerk. she is way too good for him. why does he have to make it soooo diffficult for her and not even give a shit. what a fucker. i just want to hurt him. hopefully he'll be out of her life for good now. what a jerk i just cannot even take it. good riddence is all i have to say. goddamn it, i cannot believe he is being like this... bah! ive always hated him and now i have more of a reason even tho he wasnt a bitch fuck to me, well he was, but he did it to her now too.. grrrr. somebody should teach him a lesson b.c u dont treat ppl like that. can i beat the shit out of him??? please???
strings
i have so many strings attached that i cannot do what i fully want to do, yet i dont have enuf strings either to fully go through with all that i want to do with my life... talk about a catch 22. either way, im stuck doing this doing it here b.c too many string yet not enuf...
break up
i hate when they're together! i hate that they are together!! cant they break up already. then maybe he could get a life and remember who his friends are that he left behind in the dust and then maybe i could have my best friend back too...
toGether
i luv my friend to death. i dont really like him all that much b.c he's not a friend back to me and when he is it usually involves her--his girlfriend. bros before hoes, well not in his case. he's so whipped aka obsessed with her that he forgot bout me and who knows who else. im glad he's gone, but what blows major ass is that when they're together, im forgotten. im forgotten by her. he's already forgotten, and good riddence. what an ass anywayz... but when she calls while he's around, its usually for just a lil bit. like tonite for example. i mean she kinda had a bad day sorta maybe kinda, but we talked for like 2.8 sec. thats fine, but i still feel like its because of him. it could be because she really was tired and had a long day, but im going with that along with he's there. damn i fuckin hate him. he took her away from me. im not existent when he's around. it happened a few weeks ago after graduation and its happened again. i know they have stuff planned but i guess welcome to my future. they'll be together forever im sure, get married, so the story will not change. i might as well forget both of them now. might as well. gawd, on the phone i just her someone talk in the background and i knew it was him. i just wanted to hang up rite there and then. they're in a hotel together. vomit plz. do whatever it is u do and call me when u have a moment to spare for lil ol' me.. remember who i am or shall i wait until hes not around. what a loser. tell him to get a job too. how pathetic. but maybe i shouldnt say that b.c he mite cry that big baby. damn, my friend could do so much better, but i feel burned and left out when hes around. i just cant stand him anymore. i dont know how i ever could. he luvs her, his girlfriend, but no one else. oh and himself of course. forget the rest of his friends, i mean its not like he has many to begin with anywayz. bah. die world! or shoot me now. i lost 2 friends. one is my best friend and the other was a friend b4 he got hard core into girls within our circle really. now i dont know who that fucker is. i dont even know why he gave me his new #. i wont need it... i didnt even relaly need the old one. bastards! leave me the fuck alone. i dont need anyone. i have myself. i can count on me, no one else!
craPPy friEND
you suck at being a friend. you're like the worst friend ever even. i mean u have to tell ur girlfriend to ask me if u could stay with me... how lame. i mean you could call me urself. shit u even told me you'd be in town wed and surprise surprise ur still with the girlfriend with her eventho u've been with her for like a week and a half already but wutev. you just fuckin' suck and im glad im workin nights so you cant stay with me. i didnt want u to anywayz. u'd prolly only stay b.c u feel obligated anywayz. mainly b.c u didnt say goodbye when u moved a couple weeks ago. i mean u might want to but prolly b.c its be so unkewl if you didnt. ur such a jerk it makes me sick to my stomach. u put ur girlfriend ahead of everyone else and when it comes down to it, u forget about the rest of us--mainly me. then when u hear from her that i may be busy (b.c u dont call urself to let me know whats going on), you make it sound like u want to stay with me... but of course it would've been only for one night b.c im not good enuf but only for that. way to do it in front of her too to make it sound like u care. i mean im her best friend so why not try to score some brownie points u fucker! dont expect me to hang out with u when u get here. u wont be here that long anywayz b.c u chose to stay with her even longer because u truly are one pathetic sick fuck. friends first but not in ur book and i sooo dont appreciate that. i call her last nite but only b.c ur still there. yah, i feel special. i lost two friends b.c of u. and im 2nd in both ur books if even that high up on the scale. i dont need any pity invites or calls or "i want to stay with u for a night when im in town" crap. thats bs and i dont want any of it. ur a crappy friend who cant keep in touch and u took my bestfriend away b.c she forgets me when ur there even tho she wont say it. i hate both of u. im alone and by myself once again to fend against the world and to survive. i have no one. i thought i had at least one person for a while until u came in the picture. ur a shitty friend and i dont want nothing to do with you. just send me a wedding invitation and maybe i'll show up. and hopefully that'll be the only time i see u again. u suck at life and are a shitty titty friend. bah to u. i hope u break up and realize u have no one b.c u ditched them all for her. when u say jump, dont expect me to say how high which is how u were playin the game. those arent the rulez in my world, in my life, and in my game. u abide by my rules. dont go making ur own u bastard two-faced piece of shit who i dont want anything to do with. weddin' invite and i'll be content. last and only time i'll see u again--hopefully...
2 gooD
ur tooooo goood for him. u deserve sooooooo much better, no joke. now he's a great guy, dont get me wrong. i mean he's super great for you and puts you on a pedastle (sp). he calls u and talks with you and really cares about you. he thinks of u often and actually does luv u. but he's just not as good as you could do. but maybe its because you're the best person i know and only deserve the best.. the very best. you truly are remarkably amazing and he's just okay. i think i mainly think this because youre my best friend and i adore you. but also because i think i hate him. he's an asshole to me and treats me like shit if he treats me to anything at all. he forgets me so basically his friends mean squat. he puts you first (which he definitely should) but his friends turned invisible with him. nuh-uh not kewl. so he pisses me off and of course i want u to be with someone i like and dont hate most of the time. but overall u deserve sooo much better because you are the best. he's bronze (if that--maybe nickle or steel) and you deserve the best gold, at the very least, that the world has to offer. i just want whats best for you though. if its him, then so be it. there may not be anyone better. he's a great guy but you're way better. luv ya nd if it works out, all the power to you two but if it doesnt, look for someone way better. look for the best!!!
doesnt both me none
ever since graduation, we havent really talked much. not at all really. i mean i had finals week and shit and then u went on ur trip. it happens, but im not gonna lie, im not too torn about it. its actually kinda nice not to "hafta" do something every day. i mean i luv talking to u everyday but it does get to be a hassle sometimes. i mean some dayz im just soo tired and exhausted i dont wanna talk and thats when i feel obligated to call... but it doesnt help either that when u were with him on ur vacation or w/e i sooo didnt want to talk to u. not only b.c i didnt want to interupt anything but also u called late anyway and we always doin shit. so no i totally dont wanna converse with you when ur done having a blast and feel the need to call. no. just dont bother. u were having fun, dont let me ruin it. u only called b.c we talk everyday but u didnt want to. i know u didnt. shit i wouldnt have wanted to. i dont need ur pity. and i dont need u to rub it in my face eventho i know u werent doing it on purpose. u have a boyfriend. i dont. u were traveling to places down south--which i have never been. you were having fun. i was working. u were with the man u luv. i was working (60 hrs mind u). so just dont bother with me. u dont need me. u and him will be together for the rest of ur life. i just know it. ur perfect together. blah blah blah, dont boggle down with lil old friend me back here in this hole of a town. just forget me. i just bring rain on ur parade. and i especially didnt want to talk to u when u called on his phone b.c ur phone wasnt working or had bad reception or wutev. i didnt want to answer eventho i knew it was u. then when i called to talk to u on his phone, u didnt even talk to me. he talked. WTF?! i didnt want to talk to him. hell no. what a jerkoff. so that made me mad. i just heard a hello from u and thats it and just him blab. gawd. it just maybe better off if we dont talk everyday. no joke. and of course u call me and say something heart warming when he's sleeping. gee thanx. 2nd in line again. kewl kewl. i know i wouldve done the same thing b.c u were busy when he was up and doing things with ya. but its a slap in the face still. and of course when he leaves u'll wanna talk. well no. maybe i'll pass. i can have friends too. maybe not a boyfriend like u, but my friends are special/important too. this trip pissed me off like no other. i dont even want to think about it. vomit... *spew*
u thought wrong
u expect me to drop my life for u when u come to town huh? well i'll show u b.c u totally have another thing coming. maybe that'll teach u. next time say goodbye b.c when u come back around, i may be tooooo busy for u. u THOUGHT i wouldnt be boggled down with life, but i am. u got a nice reality check huh when u found out im working back at that sweat shop huh? that i just may be busy during the time ur here... goooood. because u need to learn that u cant always get what u want and it seems like u have so far which upsets me. thats not kewl. im gonna try to stay busy just to teach u a lesson--to show u that ur not #1 in my book like most pppl. ur not god and i see that like white on rice. i work. i work out. i have other friends. i have shit to do. maybe there's not time for u. maybe i wont let u stay with me. haha good. i didnt really want u here anywayz. ur not my boyfriends, otherwise we could have some fun, but ur taken. u can stay with psycho and she can be all over u. what a hoe! or u can stay with your other friend. dont expect me to be at ur beck n call. im starting to get my own routine which does not involve u. dont expect me to change it for a week just to wait and see if ull call me to hang out. oooh gooodie. yah, no! u let me know when u want to stay here and maybe i'll think about it. i wont answer my phone right away. leave me a message and ask, otherwise fend for uself. it'll do ya some good considering u made me feel like im one of three who offered a place for u. well u have 2 other options, so count this one out. dont think ur that kewl buddy. dont think ur special b.c ur not. im glad u moved. get the fuck away. u came in and changed my life and probably not for the better. ur such a panzy ass mofo its sick. if it werent for ur girlfriend i prolly would never hear from u again besides what psycho tells me but u suck at keeping in touch with friends so it wouldnt be that much. u 2 should break up just so u can leave my life for good... good riddence. but u make her happy so i guess it'll hafta do. but shit, u suck. ur a horrible friend. u owe me money. u suck at life. ur such a pussy too. u suck and i hate u. im gonna luv it when ur hear so it'll give me some ample time to ignore u and let u know that ur not my life like some ppl i know. dont expect much from me. u should count ur lucky stars to hang with me while ur in town. dont think that i should be the lucky one b.c u'll just be a pain in my ass even more than u r. i wont be waiting by my phone either til u call. ur not important in my life. u say i am in urs but i totally dont believe it. u lie. i dont give u head so im not good enuf. im not the girlfriend so i dont fuckin care. just come and go, thanx. hopefully u wont stay here. i mean u do have other offers which u soooo kindly pointed out. well stay with them and dont be a burden the week ur here. i need to work and make money (not that u would know anything bout that). i need sleep too. so that comes first not u. u will never come first. u treat me like shit, i'll treat u like shit and we'll call it even. maybe....
how can she be soooo idiotic??? she's dumber than a box of rox no joke and i cannot believe i am related. its soo f*in' embarassing. she moves out--suh-weet. she made her partment into a landfill so surprise surprise when she gets evicted. evicted because who knows why??? b.c it was disgusting out there. no wonder why i never went out there but maybe b.c she was living well beyond her means. she prolly couldnt pay her rent. i mean it mustve been hard when she had rent and all that to pay for along with 6 FUCKING garages!!! throw some shit away you fucking OCD freak! youre soooo pathetic it makes me wanna cry. im embarassed she's my mother. i dont even want to write that. i wish i could take it back. i wish i was never born just so i wont hafta be her daughter. now she lives with my and my bro illegally and has destroyed our home too to push us out of it. its not ours anymore. her shit has affected it all. its gross there too. it doesnt even feel like my home anymore b.c psycho mom is there with all her shit that should be thrown away. she keeps it b.c gawd knows when she'll need it later. heaven forbid to throw anything out. that just might be a waste. but then again, i never got evicted either, so what do i know! seriously. my bizzle. her mind doesnt work like urs or ours... fuck it fucking should. its soooooo frustrating. now her shit is all up in my room. no wonder why i moved out. i dont even want to be near there. its not my home anymore. i dont have a home. i have a little cubical in a place where technically im not suppposed to be. im supposed to be where i dont want to be and i am where im not supposed to be. well.... life's just grand isnt it???? damn i just want to hate her for her actions and making my life hell and embarassing. she has no teeth. no car. barely a job. shes a worthless piece of shit that if she died it would make my life soooo much better. she's too fat to be on my shoulders anymore. i dropped her a long as time ago. i shouldnt have to open my room, my apartment, b.c she sux at life. i shouldnt have to pay $350 a month for my car for her to drive it b.c she cannot manage money and she blames it on she was never taught. well u know the fuck what??? theres shit that i was never taught either but i figured it out or i asked someone for help. just ask for help u lame ass waste of oxygen that im embarassed to be related to! figure it out. life--its not to be taken lightly. get a new job. stay the fuck away from my car. and get ur own f*bomb place. leave my life and get ur own! ps--get some friends b.c i hate to drag u everywhere. im growing up and away from u. dont expect to follow. ur not my shadow. not no more b.c im threw with you and dont hafta take u with me everywhere. plus u dont fit in my purse....
thiRd wHeel uNnoTiceD
BIG PROBLEM: im in luv with her yet so is he, but yet i want to be with him too. i couldve had him - which kills along with not EVER being able to be with her!
when i feel like i should HATE you with everything i have, you give me an ecuse not too. GAWD!!!
